Hello to all my Good Moms Gone Bad out there!
If you have more than one child, you've heard something along these lines before: "She ALWAYS gets whatever she wants!" Or "He NEVER gets in trouble" Or "You like HER better than me! She's your favorite!!"
My typical response is to point out the ridiculousness of these comments and list instances of how these statements are not true. (IE, LECTURE!). However the other day I heard a radio D.J. talking about a book on siblings, and the author argued that most parents DO have a favorite child. While I don't believe this is true, it prompted a discussion between myself and other co-workers about how certain children behave better than others at times, or have more in common with us. And how it is inevitable that we may want to spend more time with, or be a bit kinder, to a child we are getting along better with at any given time in our lives.
On the lighter side, a co-worker suggested that next time one of my children says "She's your favorite!", I answer; "At the moment, Yes, she is! But if you work harder, you could be!" And thus, an idea was born... I'm thrilled to announce the creation of a new game the whole family can play, titled "Mom's Favorite Child of the Month!"
Rules are fairly simple. Each month competition begins anew. Any child can play, any child can win! (See how FAIR I can be!?) No minimum or maximum age requirement. The more kind, respectful and well-behaved the child is, the more they advance in the game. Conversely, the more unkind, disrespectful and mis-behaved the child is, the more they retreat.
Points awarded as follows:
Breakfast in bed for Mom or making your own dinner - 10 points (extra 5 points if you clean up the mess you made preparing the food!)
Cleaning your room - 1 point (Hey, you're supposed to clean it anyway, its YOUR ROOM!)
Cleaning any other room of the house - 10 points (5 extra for the bathroom - YUCK!)
Writing Mom a letter about how much you appreciate and love her - 15 points (Is this bribery?)
Homework done every night, without harrassment or whining - 5 points
Massage or foot rub for Mom - 15 points if you do it well. (Only 5 points for effort with out successful pain relief)
Helping Mom carry in and put away the groceries - 5 points (Gosh I'm nice! You should be doing this anyway!)
After dinner, thanking Mom for an awesome meal, and cleaning up your own mess - 10 points
Telling your sibling "It's ok that you broke my favorite toy, accidents happen!" - 10 points (But you may have to splash Mom's face with water when she passes out in shock from your response!)
Now, just as good behavior is rewarded, misbehaving will cause you to be penalized. Point deductions as follows:
Waking up kicking, whining, snapping at people, or laying around for 20 minutes - Lose 10 points
Putzing around until the last minute, causing us to leave the house late - Lose 15 points
Telling your sibling they are stupid, ugly, they stink, or other various insults - Lose 5 points
Telling mom she is stupid, ugly, she stinks or other various insults - Lose 10 points and get a smack on the butt
Waiting until we get everything packed in the car and ready to go and THEN telling me you are hungry, thirsty or have to go to the restroom - Lose 10 points
Yelling at Mom because she forgot the bagel at work that SHE bought for YOU along with the donut and 3-dollar fruit drink that you spilled in the car in the morning - Lose 15 points and listen to Mom rant about how much she does for you that you don't appreciate.
Telling Mom at 8pm on Thursday night that you have 5-page paper or project due on Friday that you were supposed to be working on all week - Lose 10 points.
Telling Mom "She's your favorite! She gets EVERYTHING she wants and NEVER gets in trouble" - Lose 10 points.
OK Folks, tally up your points at the end of the month. Whoever has the most points is Mom's Favorite Child of the Month. But if you didn't win this month, take heart! A new month begins a new competition, and YOU TOO could be Mom's Favorite. Just try a little harder!
NOTE: If all children have NEGATIVE scores, everyone loses access to electronics for a month, NO one is Mom's Favorite Child of the Month, and Mom is going to be one cranky bitch!
Good luck everyone! May your children compete like they never have before for the honor of being Mom's Favorite!