Thursday, September 22, 2011

The Talk

Most of us dread having "The Talk" with our daughters. We want to keep them young and innocent as long as we can. Well I've had the talk on many different levels with all three of my daughters (16, 21 & 23). The talk has been given in small doses, we may be watching something on T.V, just chatting, or on numerous occasions it comes about while we listen to the radio in the car. I like to challenge their thoughts on what mainstream America passes as acceptable sexual behavior. I Thought I was doing an O.K job................
Trying to be a "good" mom I thought I would surprise my daughter by cleaning out her car for her. She is working out of state and was returning home in a couple days. I figured I would clean out the trash, vacuum and Armour all clean everything. It wasn't as dirty as I thought, I grabbed the vacuum and went to put the seats back so I could get underneath them..............and there it was
A Strawberry flavored EMPTY condom wrapper.
Needless to say I was the one surprised. Oh, the thoughts that run through your mind in situations like these.
The tough part is, she's an adult, it's her car, she pays her insurance, her gas....Do I talk to her about it????
Hell yes!
I called her, got her message, left my own message...Went something like this:
Hi, just wanted to call and see how your doing? by the way, I was cleaning out your car to surprise you and I was the one surprised...Found a very DISTURBING item under your front seat. Call me back. Love You.
Well from there on we played phone tag for two days. She left me a couple messages asking what was going on...wondering what I found...etc...
I finally left her a message the end of the second day. I basically told her I had found a Strawberry flavored empty condom wrapper under her front seat. I stated the facts that were obvious to me.
1) You have not had a boyfriend in a long time
2) It flavored?
3) Its in your car
4) your an adult...But Still
5) You have not had a boyfriend in a long time.....again
6) I guess the bright side is you practiced safe sex
7) Its in your car............again
I went on to explain that I loved her and she could make her own decisions in these regards, but I still found it disturbing and would try and respect her decisions on what she does, but she knows where I stand.
Well needles to say it took her another day to call me back and when I saw her name come up on my ID, I had to calm myself because my mind was screaming and I wanted to talk in my Good Mom voice and not my Crazy, What the hell were you thinking  Mom voice. Must of been her lucky day, just as I answered the phone my husband came in. He does not know and maybe never will. So I spoke to her calmly, talking only of superficial things. She responded to my message by saying she was sorry I had to find that in her car. Little does she know "The talk" is far from over.

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

The Stand-Off

So, all you good Momma's (occasionally gone bad) out there....  Ever find yourself in a stand-off with one of your children over something entirely ridiculous, but refuse to concede just because Damn It, I'm the Mom and I WILL NOT CHANGE MY MIND! 

Let me tell you about last night at bedtime.  Time for my youngest daughter to put the book down and go to sleep... The story goes something like this...

Me:    Time for bed, sweetie.  Time to put the book away.
My Little Darling (MLD):  Mom, reading helps me get sleepy.  Can I keep reading?
Me:    No sweetie, its already late, and you already have a hard time getting up in the morning.  I want you to put the book away and go to sleep.
MLD:    But Mom, it really does help me get sleepy!
Me:    I know it does sweetie, but I think if you put the book down and shut your eyes, you'll fall asleep quickly.
MLD:   I want to be alone.  Can you go to your room?  (Code for "I want to keep reading when you are not looking."  This is my sneaky little darling!)
Me:    No, I think I'm going to stay in here with you for a bit and tuck you in.
MLD:   I just want to be alone Mom, please!
Me:    No sweetie.  Get in bed, put the book away, and get some sleep.  You look very tired.
MLD:   Please Mom, let me be alone.  I just want to be alone!  

        (My Little Darling climbs out of bed, laying on the floor pouting now.)

Me:    Get back in the bed and lay down, its getting late.
MLD:  Please Mom, I just want to be alone!

        (Repeat last two lines of dialogue about 3 times....then....)

Me:   Get in this bed now, or you will not have access to any electronics for the next week.
MLD:  Please Mom!  Why don't you trust me?  I'm NOT going to read.  I just want to be alone.  I never get to be alone!

I'd like to say this scenario ended nicely, but regrettably I will admit that I layed there for 5 to 10 minutes seeing red.  Thinking to myself; "Why don't I just leave the room and let her sleep, or even read the DAMN BOOK for all I care!"  Then thinking to myself; "Because Damn It, I'm the Mom and I WILL NOT CHANGE MY MIND!"

It ended something like this...

Me: I'm leaving now, and you BETTER not pick up that book when I leave the room!  (Walking out angrily)
MLD (with sadness in her voice):  I'm sorry I hurt your feelings Mom..."

Me (under my breath):  What feelings?  I'm a Mom, I don't have any!

And so goes another day in the life of a Good Mom Gone Bad.  Thankfully I have another day to try it all over again.  And believe me, my nightly prayer is that I do it all a little bit better the next day!

Thursday, September 1, 2011

You Think YOU Are A Crazy Mom?!?

So you think YOU are a good mom gone bad?  Or maybe even think you're a BAD mom?  Well, let me tell you a story!

Driving home on a Wednesday night after church, guess who often shows up?  Yep, you guessed it!  Bad Mom!  Leave church feeling fulfilled, spiritually-fed, feeling good about life in general...  and then we start talking to each other!

Mom:  How was church?

Daughter 1:  Good.

Daughter 2:  No response

Mom:  Good, I'm glad you enjoyed it. I can't wait to go home and go to sleep!

Daughter 1:  Mom, I'm thristy... It's sooooo hot!  I can't feel the air.  The front seat is too tall.  Can you stop and get a water?

Mom:  No, we'll be home in 20 minutes.  I don't want to stop and buy a water.  You'll be alright waiting til we get home.

Daughter 1:  But Mom!!  It's soooo hot!  Don't you always say we should drink more water?  I need water Mom... Please stop and get some!

Mom:  I'm sorry Sweetie, I really don't want to stop.  Let's just get home and drink water then.

Daughter 1:  PLEASE MOM!  It's soooo hot back here!

Daughter 2:  Yeah, Mom!  We're SOOO thirsty! 

Mom:  You can both wait until we get home.

Daughter 1:  But it will only take a minute!  Why can't we just stop and get a water?!

Daughter 2:  Yeah Mom!!? 

Mom:  We'll be home soon.  Drop it!

Daughter 1:  FINE!  We'll just sweat and suffer and be thirsty, even though you always SAY we should drink water!

Daughter 2:  But Mom!

(Beware... Bad Mom monologue coming!)

Mom (at high volume, in "possessed Mom" voice):  Why don't you guys drink before we leave church!?  You're ALWAYS thirsty when we leave?  I'm TIRED!  Can't we just go home and get ready for bed?!  It's 9 o'clock at night!  I've had a long day... Can't we just enjoy each other's company for the last moments of the day?!  Must we ALWAYS argue!?

Daughter 1 (practically in tears):  Mom, maybe we should go to counseling so we can get along...

Mom:  Fine!  (Now THERE's compassion for you! )

And so goes another night in the life... of a Good Mom Gone Bad.  (Hey, I hear it happens to the best of us!) 

There's always tomorrow to be the ever-patient, always loving, never forgets anything, compassionate Mom I aspire to be.  Wish me luck!